Do More of What Matters and Less of the Rest

podcast Nov 15, 2021
Becky Morrison

You might have told yourself, “I want more of what matters.”

But do you know what truly matters?

What matters to me may not be what matters most to you. What matters right now, this minute, or this second, may not matter in a couple of days, weeks, or years. Though it may all be relative, the truth is, we become the best version of ourselves when we start pursuing what truly matters!

Life ebbs and flows, and so should we. It's all about being in the moment as much as possible and responding to what's happening, not forcing things or trying to control everything. Today's guest will teach us to be clear and flexible with our goals. She's no other than Rebecca "Becky" Morrison, a mom of two, a lawyer, and an entrepreneur coach.

In this episode, Becky will share her personal experience that led her to where she is now. She'll share with us the steps we need to take to simplify our lives so we can focus on what truly matters without all the distractions. It's time to get rid of anything that doesn't serve us and start living an authentic life to who we are. This is what Becky would like to share with us today.

Who Is Rebecca Morrison?

Rebecca "Becky" Morrison is a mom, wife, and a lawyer-turned-happiness-coach. She believes most people can live happier, more manageable lives if they understand what matters most. From there, they can develop a plan to do more of that and less of the rest. She's done this for 20 plus years in corporations, law firms, and small businesses as well. 

She's a high-achiever who had most of what the world told her defined success. She went to the prestigious Wellesley College and received a law degree from Georgetown University Law Center. She worked as a litigator at a big law firm, was in a happy marriage, had a beautiful baby daughter, yet she still felt something was missing.

So she decided to find out what it was. Over the next several decades, she worked to untangle her own happiness, which started with uncovering what would actually make her happy. Today, she's using those experiences coupled with her own journey to help people supercharge their success and happiness. She also recently published her book, The Happiness Recipe: A Powerful Guide To Living What Matters

This conversation we'll have today will be inspiring, and I'm sure you guys are really going to enjoy it.

 

What's Your Priority?

Becky grew up in a two-parent household. Her dad was a Lutheran pastor, and her mom was a very successful in-house attorney for a huge company. As her mom went up the ranks of that company, she was asked to participate in a leadership development program. As part of that leadership development program, she defined her values and priorities. After doing that, Becky remembered her mom coming home and sharing those with her family.

"Her family is just my father and me. I'm an only child. So, we sat down for dinner one night, and she said, we need to have a family conversation. She wasn't nervous, but she was feeling uncomfortable with the notion of having to have this conversation. Then she said to my dad and the 12-year-old me, "I want you to know that my top priority is my career. "In typical teenage fashion, I told her, "Duh, I knew it." She was living it." – Becky Morrison

For some people, such a statement might make her feel unloved, but not so for Becky.

"It was evident that my mom loved me. It's also evident that she would be there for me when I needed her. Besides, I also had another parent in the picture who was very present and who was very available to me." – Becky Morrison

She also saw her mother's statement as freeing. It's because her mom was putting her talk where her walk was. She claimed what she was already living instead of saying one thing and doing another. As somebody who cared about her, Becky and her father were able to say, "We'll facilitate your success in that space because we care about your happiness and what you care about." 

Once she had her own family, Becky remembered being with her toddler daughter in the bathroom with a notebook, papers all around, and the cordless phone to the back of her pants. She was bathing her toddler and preparing an expert for her deposition. Then Becky had two thoughts in super-quick succession. The first was she was literally doing it all — taking care of her kid and being a good lawyer. Then she had another thought.

"This is exhausting. This is unsustainable. I'm not sure that I really like being a lawyer as much as I like being a mom. … Now, what does that mean for my happiness? From that point, I entered a season in my life where I said, ‘I'm a mom first.’ That didn't mean that I stopped working outside the home. It just meant that my family was my top priority. It meant turning down professional opportunities and saying no to projects." – Becky Morrison

So she thought of taking a step off the partnership track and taking an administrative role to have more flexibility. But among it all, she most dreaded talking to her mom and telling her all about these changes. Her mom went to law school in the '70s and into the male-dominated profession of law. She was afraid to let her down, and luckily that didn't happen.

"I called her and explained I've done some soul searching and thinking. My priority right now is to be a mom first. And her response was, "Duh." She was just happy that I had found what mattered to me." – Becky Morrison

From there, it was a winding path of navigating a career where Becky defined what success really meant to her. She tried to create this balance of being happy and successful in her life. That drove her to make another transition into starting her own coaching business to help other people do the same thing.

 

The Recipe For Happiness

Becky's journey to where she is now wasn't easy, but it was worth it. It's taught her a lot about what happiness and success mean and so much more.

"From my journey, I've learned to lean into the notion that we can never see the becoming that's coming for us. … We spend so much energy fixating on the horizon, and it's not where we will always end up. … There's always going to be outside influences and unexpected opportunities. So, maybe taking that energy from the future and putting it back into the present would be a better investment of energy." – Becky Morrison

To do this, however, Becky talks about the importance of untangling:

"We get a lot of messages from a very young age about what success and happiness should be, and it all becomes this enormous tangle of clutter. It's a very visual thing like a knot... Now the key is to sort and pluck out at the strings. Then, figure out which ones belong to you and arrange them in your life. … In reality, the definition of success and happiness is deeply personal to everyone." – Becky Morrison

Many of us will resonate with this. I was in corporate America for 13 years. I thought I was on the path to success and happiness. Then when I got there, I didn't like it and instead felt utterly lost. I had to go through a process of asking what I wanted my life to look like. That was tough, and that took me a long time. 

Luckily, Becky used her experience to offer us a perspective on what she thinks is the recipe for happiness. She explains that it's simple and can be summarized in a few words: Do more of what matters to you and less of the rest. Furthermore, she identifies three gaps that get in the way of us executing on that.

"The first I call ‘the authenticity gap.’ By that [I mean that] we are not connected to ourselves. We are not clear on what matters most to us, what really belongs to us, and we haven't been willing to claim it outwardly because to live it, you have to be ready to own it. " – Becky Morrison

Becky closed the authenticity gap in her life when she realized that she was choosing her life as a mom over her life as a career woman. Again, it varies for everyone, so take some time to reflect on what really matters to you.

The second gap is all about the mindset.

"What is your ‘Why?’ It's another thing that might stop you from being able to execute. In other words, it's your mindset, beliefs, and feelings. Have you untangled your old stories? Have you unwelcomed how you feel about saying no? How do you feel about potentially letting people down? Have you thought about your ability to manage guilt?" – Becky Morrison

The last thing Becky shares is what she calls the physical energy gap. 

"That's where the actual act of saying, ‘No’ comes from. That's where the actual act of setting boundaries comes. That's where the natural action of building new habits comes. " – Becky Morrison

These three gaps are all essential to consider if you want to get more of what really matters in life and less of the rest so you can be happy. It's outlined in her book where every chapter comes with an activity or an exercise that readers can do to complete that piece of the work themselves. If you're looking to get unstuck and figure out what success and happiness mean for you, definitely check it out.

 

Why Letting Go Matters

Achieving success and happiness in life isn't easy. It takes time, effort, and energy to get there. You have to be clear on what you want and go for it. And sometimes, we need to include the "seasons in our life." Many of us get things a little bit twisted because we think that priority is a priority, and it's what we'll want for the rest of our lives. Becky shares her insights on this. 

"I think the danger in having clarity and finding your values or finding your purpose is it becomes once and done. Yet, if I let the goals I had when I was 18 define my purpose and live the rest of my life, where does that leave room for the family that I built? Where does that leave room for the ways life has changed? … So, I think we must intuitively recognize that our life evolves and that different chapters or seasons come our way. That can mean so much to our priorities and values." – Becky Morrison

These seasons in one's life are not just about being young, middle-aged, or old. As Becky explains,

"Seasons can be almost these micro-moments in our lives where we feel the most uncomfortable. … Those of us who recognize that the season changed, we're able to adjust much more quickly. Those who keep trying to live the same life with the same priorities and goals struggle. Now, not being realistic about the season that you're sitting in and tying your priorities and your goals to that is a huge source of unhappiness." – Becky Morrison

Simply speaking, Becky explains that depending on your season, your definition of priorities, success, or happiness will change. This might mean you need a new mindset or to reconnect with yourself. You might need to switch up your habits. You might need to let go of things that aren't working anymore. 

The beauty of this is we get to choose what we want to keep and what we want to let go of. You are in charge of your life, after all. We all have our own unique paths to success and happiness. It's acknowledging that it's this constant dance of finding the balance between what matters more to you and what you want to let go of that can truly make you happy.

Why You Should Listen to This Podcast Episode with Becky Morrison Right Now...

Guys, this episode is so good and so inspiring. I had a great time with Becky. She is so insightful, and she has done so much work on herself. There were indeed a lot of good topics that we covered!  

There are more similar ideas and concepts in Becky's book, The Happiness Recipe. Also, you can learn more about her and her work by visiting untanglehappiness.com.

If you enjoyed this episode, please take a moment to leave a review on Apple Podcasts by rating it 5 stars. You may also tag Becky, @the.butterfly.society, and me @kyle_depiesse on Instagram. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode. Please share the link to this podcast with others who want to live a more fulfilling life.

Cheers to your success! I'm rooting for you. 

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